After the biopsy on Friday the only thing we could do is wait. We had to wait 3 whole days. And let me tell you, if you didn't know already, waiting sucks. The anxiety and wave of emotions that I went through was unreal. Again, thanks to the surgeon, I had already prepared myself to think that Donny has cancer. It was just a matter of figuring out what type of cancer Donny has. The goal was to stay busy the whole weekend so I wouldn't have to think about it too much. I managed to do this Saturday and Sunday. Between Donny's football game on Saturday (St. Pat's beat St. Viator...go Pat's!!!) and shopping with my mom and Grandma all day Sunday, I managed to stay positive and stay active. My family and friends that I talked to that weekend asked me how I was keeping it all together. I can't really describe it, but it's like I put a box over my head. Within that box, I could only think positive things: no matter what type of cancer Donny has, everything will be fine.
Sunday night as I started to drift off to sleep, that box slowly started to dissolve and the anxiety and fear began to set in. I've been with Donny for 7 years. He is the only man I have ever been in love with. He is my rock, my best friend and the one I need in my life. If anything were to happen to him, I would surely fall apart. For those who don't know me, I've been through a lot in these last 7 years and Donny is the one who has gotten me through it all. My mind started to wander: if this diagnosis isn't lymphoma, what could it be? There's definitely something there in his chest. Could it be something worse? Lung cancer? Some other cancer that I don't know about? Is he going to die? What will I do with myself without my second half? Everything that I was able to block out all weekend came crashing through my mind and the anxiety was too much to handle. I could feel the panic attack starting to come on. And that's when I forced myself to snap out of it. Deep breaths and visualizing the wall on each side of my head closing back around it to block out the fear.
My mom always says, "You can't borrow trouble." This weekend that has never been so true. If you worry about all the things that could happen, you will worry your life away. The more I worried, the less I could function. And the last thing Donny needs is to start worrying about me. So I pulled myself together and got some sleep. In times like these, sometimes you can only take life one day at a time.
Work on Monday was rough. I was a nervous wreck the whole day, so I can't imagine how anxious Donny was. Although, it was a productive day because I was so anxious I think I was moving 100 miles/minute. I got my work done and managed to set up an appointment at Northwestern Memorial Hospital with a lymphoma specialist to see Donny for a second opinion. It is such a relief to know that we are going to NMH for treatment. What a process this has been.
Finally after waiting all day Monday to hear from the doctor, I got a call at 6:45pm confirming what we thought: Donny has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was the general surgeon who called though, so he didn't want to tell me much more. He said Dr. K., the Oncologist, would tell us more details at our appointment on Wednesday.
So the wait was over and a small relief set in...for about 10 minutes. Then the waiting for the official report began...
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