Last treatment marked the half way point (knock on wood). So this week marked the official beginning of the end. I have to say, I was dreading treatment this time. (Poor Donny, I told him that and he looked at me like I had two heads and asked, "How do you think I feel?") At first I didn't know why I was so anxious on Tuesday, but then I realized it was dread - a different feeling than anxiety. With anxiety, I'm restless and lack concentration, and want to get treatment over with.
Dread is a whole new feeling for me. If I were an ostrich, I would have stuck my head in the ground and happily stayed there until Donny came home. I just didn't want this treatment to get here. And I know it's because the last treatment was bad. Donny was the sickest he's been since beginning this process. Last treatment was the first time he was actually nauseous for more than one day. And it was the first time that taking the extra anti-nausea pills didn't help. So that was miserable for Donny and I hated watching it.
If you've ever taken care of someone who is ill, and no medicine or treatment helps them, then you know how I feel. It's a helpless feeling watching someone suffer and wanting so badly to make them better, even though you know you can't. And what's worse in Donny's case, is that I can't even do anything to make him more comfortable; like fluff his pillow or get him water. He feels like shit no matter what and I can't do a darn thing about it. But then a week goes by and Donny is, although tired, back to feeling OK. So that's why I was dreading this treatment. He did so great last week after the awful week, that I just didn't want to go back to the bad. It's a total mind game for me. One week is horrible and one week is normal.
Treatment went by fast again. We talked to our head nurse, Cheryl, most of the time. She was cracking me up telling us how she hates chocolate. "I'm already chocolate, I don't need to eat any of it." she told us. And Donny actually felt ok when we got home. I think it's because he was eating candy the whole time. The nurse cleans out his port with a saliene solution in between pushes and after treatment. And when they do that, he gets a really bad, iron/salt taste in his mouth. Last week, when Donny came in to get his blood work done, he told the nurse this and she said, "Try eating Lemonheads. The sour taste over powers the nasty salt taste. We always have Lemonheads at the clinic. Just ask the front desk next time." So this time, although Donny did come prepared with some Sour Patch Kids, I went to the front desk and asked for some Lemonheads. And thanks to the Imerman Angels, Northwestern has an entire cabinet full of them! Take a look:
When we got home he was tired, but didn't feel too bad. The next day was a different story though. The side affects of chemo is cumulative, meaning they get worse the more treatments Donny has. And just as they did last treatment, they got even worse after this treatment. Although we did tell the nurse that Donny was nauseous after last treatment, so they added another anti-nausea medication this time.
I feel like I say this every time, but bless his heart, Donny worked all week and even worked a basketball game on Friday night. That's why I think Saturday he was down for the count. I was supposed to go to his cousin's 1st birthday party, but Donny was feeling so sick that I stayed home with him. It's strange. I asked him to describe his symptoms and this was the best he could give me:
- Upset stomach
- Headache
- Body ache
- Bad taste in mouth
- Extreme fatigue
No comments:
Post a Comment